We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
