dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
