I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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