I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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