TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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