if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
