I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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