Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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