dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
