I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
