I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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