Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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