This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
