the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
