I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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