Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
