the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
