I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
