Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
