So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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