drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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