I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
