I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
