there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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