She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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