Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
