please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
