I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
