You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
