I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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