I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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