meet me or not, i'm out of control
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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