im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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