theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
