She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
