3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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