So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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