it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
