The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's always time for handjobs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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