I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
