It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
