I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
