we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
