I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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