You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
