Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
