well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
