I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
