She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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