So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i think i just lost a toe
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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