I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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