I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
